A dose of Silence

Silence is a pleasure. It is a prelude to peace and it is very expensive. Now I'm starting to realize that with all the things that had happened in my life. I think I deserve this much needed silence.

Not so long time ago, I've experienced a numbing pain of losing somebody to someone else. It brokes my heart just looking at my precious while they were sleeping. I will do anything to protect them from hurt, from the pain I am feeling right now. Shield them from the reality that we are broken. I may not be the warmest person on earth, I maybe devoid of expressions, but I feel, I tick, I know how to love if not sensitively, but endlessly. Maybe, I didn't give enough and having troubles expressing my love enough but It's absolute that I'll give my life for the one I love. Unfortunately, now he's gone. How I long for the warmth to come back and fill me again but it is gone......

Silence now has eluded me. Miseries and the feeling of emptiness filled my innermost being even the slightest sound seems like a sirene echoing in the recesses of my whole being. I don't want to think anymore, I don't want to feel, I don't want to hear a thing. I am just trying to have a life for my precious.

Saying i love you everyday is as important as breathing, because you will not know if this will be the last i love you that you will ever have to whisper to your loved ones. Same as saying thank you for everything, you will never know if this will be the last thank you, you'll ever say. And having experienced this heart wrenching lost. I peek at my past and checked if I did utter those words. Alas, I didn't, being the ice queen I've been. I've overlooked telling that person how I love him. And thank him for everything. This fact nags me constantly, it was never the same.

Now, I'm setting him free. If this is the only way I can repay him for all the love he has given me, I'll give him peace. Though letting go is the hardest part, all I wanted is for him to be happy. And now, though not needed I will say I love him so much, he's my life and thank you, thank you for all the love and happiness he has given me. Thank you for everything.

Silence...... I longed for a dose of silence.