My Piece of Heaven

Life is full of surprises you might not be needing changes but still it instigate itself like a worm wriggling its way to the ground to disrupt the stillness.

My life encountered the same fate. My simple and quiet life was disrupted. I once had a partner but he had for some reasons known and not known slowly drifted away. He told me one day that the love he once felt for me had vanished, sssshhhh like air in a deflated balloon it went kaput.

Now he’s with somebody else, he loves. Somebody who gave him not just a home but warmth, which I wasn’t able to give.

At first I was shocked, I went cold. Is it possible for two people who were so much in love to just drift apart? But it happened maybe so fast, maybe little by little, now, I’m not really sure how. But it happened. My world was torn apart. The dreams that we weaved together just vanished into thin air. I hold on for a little while simply hoping that everything was a joke and it will be back to normal again. But it wasn’t and it didn’t. It is simply the end.

But then again, God gave me a chance for a glimpse of heaven. He went home to be with his kids for a week. Though it is not because of me that he was with us, I’ve experienced my piece of heaven even for a while.

The love I felt for him before he left to follow his dreams, was mere imagination. What I feel for him right now is not right, because he is in love with somebody else, it is not right because I love him more than I loved him before. Maybe because I missed him so much. Maybe because I need him to be by my side. Maybe because it was only now that I've been freed from my own personal despair that I felt the need of his warmth. The love I am feeling for him right now is so much that I can’t take away from him his freedom. And though I want him badly for myself and it pains me to set him free, I’d rather see him happy with the one he loves than suffer by my side.

I can’t be selfish. I love him so much I want to give him his life.

Time will come when these things will not be that painful anymore. I know time will come when I will be able to look back once again without a tear. I hope one day, I will be able to forget about him. I am not sure if I will fall in love again, I’m not keen with the idea, but then again I hope when I forget there will be no turning back. And if I die before I’ll be able to forget I just wish that he will come and shed a tear for me.

Now that he’s back where he felt he belongs. I’m on a limbo, I don’t want to feel anything, I just want to focus on this numbness that is engulfing me. I’ll just wait till the last teardrop fall. And start all over again with my life. For now I will cherish the moment I’ve experienced from my piece of Heaven.