Whirlwind of Chaos

Is it really human nature to expose one’s tattered soul to more blows so as to test its mortal resiliency? Up to what extent can a human go through just to prove that he can only take so much?

I’ve been through a lot of experiences lately, enough to last a couple of years. I went to heaven to experience a crack of sweet bliss and down to hell for eternal sufferings all in just a week. This clashes of euphoria and despair is like yin-yan sign deeply embedded in the recesses of my being. Reminding me and asking me…..

Do I deserve all these?

My mind says Yes! because I’ve been an insensitive and assuming bitch. A real ass, if coldness gets into me.

My heart says no, I don’t, because I’m still very much capable of expressing every adjective known to man, that best describe love.

It was 15 years ago when I’ve started flirting with true love. I took the plunge with a never say die attitude. What we had back then is a simple multicolored piece of paradise. A relaxing rhythm of two people dancing the same tune, pulsating with energy, with a vivid outlook of the future. Then the angels joined us one by one in our dance of life. They mimic our steps and follow our beat. The angels didn’t know that the music is finally over.

Is it really typical for a man to experience tragedy first before eternal happiness? That, you have to first endure all the blows, groan if you may, then wait for your turn to throw punches and win later.

I thought these happen only in movies but real life has its hitches too a lot of times worst than what we see in films. It is our human nature to goad ones rational thinking to panic mode then to the limit of hysteria. With all the wounds and bruises that we have after our plight, the finale is to induce decapitating cuff on ones rationale so as to taste bittersweet victory or worst a tragic end.

We keep on pushing ourselves to the limit of pain so as to be familiar with it? No! but it is to help us unriddle what is deeply buried, all the pain (that we are vaguely familiar due to constant denials) we unconsciously carry it like a badge everyday.

We go through a whirlwind of chaos, to exorcise our soul and purge it. We always wanted to feel pain, bathe with blood and let miseries escape our being. We make use of what was left. Pick up the broken pieces and start all over again.

Till the next pain come.